Ya know, sometimes you just don't know what to do....or what to think about something. Today was a REALLY difficult day at work. It felt like all the hard work fell on me & one other person. But it was the most enjoyable day at work I've had in at least 2 weeks. Maybe it's partly because I know I've already got more hours this week than I had by this time last week. Maybe I was just in a rutt, a bad headspace.
Hopefully I'll get to sit down & talk with Mr & Mrs H next week and I can really get the ball rolling on going back to Ghana. I really do think about it every single day, and i really feel like God wants me there soon.
My dad called me out of the blue today....to ask me if I'd paid my car insurance membership renewal fee yet....I haven't, and he said he'd pay it. Surprising....I can't figure out if he's actually starting to care, or if he's just playing at it.
The cats are still acting crazy, I think I need to have Vader "fixed" but I can't afford it right now....my brother & his wife suggested this herbal stuff that will help calm him down until I can afford the....um, alteration.
It kind of makes me a little sad that I only see my friends about once a week anymore. I hardly talk to any of them other than at church or small group. I feel like it's weird to just call someone for no reason....does that make me a bad friend?
I really really need to clean up......you don't want to know how gross it is under my bed since the cat has been hiding there, I just discovered it for myself last night.....ugh, no wonder my allergies have been crappy the last two weeks or so.
Missionaries amaze me sometimes.....all the persecution that's going on in India..man. Got an update from CICM and it didn't say anything about stopping the persecution, it just said that they know God is going to use the persecution of Christians for His glory and that lots of new people will come to Christ for the first time, or find him again. That kind of faith, is totally awesome to me...Sometimes I wish I had faith like that, but it scares me to ask for it....you know when you ask God for something like Faith of Patience, he usually uses a difficult situation to increase your faith or patience.
I guess that's sort of the same "fear" that I have with going back to Africa. It's a little scary to think that the life I've known for the last 26 years could totally change when I go back to Africa. Before I went over the summer I kept asking myself "what if you want to go back?" I kind of just ignored it, but then when we got there, I knew that I wanted to go back..and I started asking myself "what if God wants you here....long-term?" It really freaks me out to think about it. I don't feel like I know enough to teach anyone anything about God or The Bible....I can't even find some of the books of the Bible without looking in the table of contents. The people I know that have gone over there, I feel like, were much stronger in their faith and knowledge than I am right now. It won't stop me from going, don't worry about that. It's just one of those trains of thought that keeps me up at night sometimes. I mean, do I really have what it takes to leave everything I know, my family, my close friends, the luxuries that I'm used to having....can I let all of that go? I like to think I do, I feel like I can leave all this and go to Africa and thrive. But then I think about it sometimes, and a little bit of doubt creeps in (doubt is the devil's favorite toy) and I just start to wonder.
Wow, that was a loooooong post. sorry