Today's sermon was about courage...and in Sunday school we talked about fear and courage and what/who we as Christians should fear....I needed to hear it all. I try to be strong and never need anyone's help, but I'm really like the lion in the Wizard of Oz. When I think about what is in store for me in the future, it scares me to realize that ultimately I am not in control of what happens. I want to go to Africa, right now, I think about it pretty much all the time. But it scares me to think that when I go, I might decide to stay.......longer at least. I've said it on here a lot lately, but it's really been on my mind a lot lately. The same phrases keeps running through my head, "you're no missionary" "you don't know enough." I have to keep telling myself that I don't have to know everything, and that it's Satan trying to discourage me because he wants to get me to run away from what God wants me to do. There are so many distractions and things to discourage you in this life (especially here in the US.) When I'm not thinking about how ill-equipped I am to work in missions, I'm thinking about how impossible it seems to raise $7000. Or I'm thinking about how I've never gone anywhere further than a few hours away by myself. What if I'm in the airport and I get lost, or what if my ticket/luggage gets messed up, what if I say the wrong thing when I'm going through customs. There's all this doubt in my head for the devil to just play with. Then I start to wonder if any of the major players in the Bible had doubts like me. Did Paul ever wonder if he was going the right way......I mean, Jonah had to be swallowed by a fish before he figured out that he wasn't going the right way! I am not scared to the point that I don't want to go to Africa, I want to go. I just have to make sure that I don't let "stuff" get in the way of me going. When the opportunity arises, I have to be ready. When David saw Goliath, he didn't wait around for him to attack...he ran into battle with the Lord right behind him. That's what I want to do. I want to be willing to run right into the battle, ready to take on whatever God has for me.