blah blah blah
lately I've just been feeling sort of Blah....I don't know exactly how to explain what "blah" feels like, but that's how I've been lately. I need more hours at work in order to pay my bills, but when I get to work I just feel like being somewhere else. I still do my job, and I don't complain, I work hard in fact, but inside I just don't feel like I'm doing anything important. I'm almost feeling like my dissatisfaction with work is part of God's way of telling me to go to Ghana as soon as I can. I don't know what God has in store for me, and frankly, it scares the crap out of me. I do know, or at least I feel, that the current job I have is NOT what God has in store for me for the long haul. I know that what I'm doing now, really makes no difference in the grand scheme of things. Working at the school in Ghana has the potential to change people's lives....including mine. At this rate if I stay here, the only change in my life will be my getting deeper and deeper in debt. How do you explain the desire to go to a third world country to do mission work to someone that has no idea. My boss is clueless.......they spent more for one weekend at a B&B than I pay for my rent. They probably think they'd die of they didn't have air conditioning and cable television. I'm rambling.....but I can't really help it, I'm thinking at about a thousand RPMs right now. I just know that I want to do something worthwhile, something that matters. I've been working at this job for over a year, and I just feel like I go to work, I do my job and that's it....I guess on some level, it matters, when you cater an event for someone and it's a special day or whatever, it matters to them. But I'm tired of catering to the rich, spoiled rotten, self-centered, super consumer. I'd much rather live in a 3rd world country without a lot of the luxuries that I have here, but make a difference in someone's life. So, basically, I'm fed-up with feeling dispensable, and I'm excited about what God is preparing me to do, but I'm also pretty frightened too.