Missionary; Mis"sion*ary\, n.; pl. Missionaries. [Cf. F. missionnaire. See Mission, n.] One who is sent on a mission; especially, one sent to propagate religion. --Swift. (from Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary)
So, I guess technically when I get to Africa I will "be" a missionary. It scares me to look at it that way. I feel like I am not worthy of being a missionary for my God. I know so little about the Bible. When I was deciding what I wanted to do when I went to college, I immediately strayed away from the medical field, simply because I do not want another person's life in my hands. But being a missionary is almost like being in the spiritual medical field. A person's spiritual health is so much more important than their physical health. I do feel like God has called me to go to Ghana, but at the same time I think "how in the world could God (who KNOWS my innermost thoughts) trust me to influence people spiritually." People always say things like "well, God doesn't need perfect people" and that's completely true, but when I look at my friends, I just feel so much further from perfect than all of them. I rarely have spiritual conversations, but it seems like their conversations are always spiritual. It also scares me to think about the ways I know I will change when I'm gone. I know my knowledge of scripture will increase for one thing. I know that they are big on physical fitness over there so, I guess there's a strong possibility that I will change physically too. I'm all for changing my life for the better, but it's still a little scary. I worry that I will leave as one person, and return as a totally different person. It scares me to think that I could possibly decide to go back again, or stay for much longer than I currently plan to. I feel like I'm on the edge of what could be the most exciting and transforming time of my life. Yeah, that's kind of scary to think about. I wonder how scared the giants of the Bible were before the embarked on some of their life changing journeys. I know that quite often the very first thing an angel said to a person was "don't be afraid" so people must have been afraid a lot. I know that Christ said "fear not for I am with you" which comforts me. But I'm still a little scared, I thin it's only human. I've never traveled by myself, I've never lived far away from my family or close friends, I've never taught in a school. I don't think I've ever been to my breaking point, physically, spiritually, or emotionally. I'm thinking that I might find all three of those in Africa.