All journeys have secret destinations, of which the traveler is unaware.

I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am. Philippians 4:11b



It is difficult for me to watch some things with my friends. There are certain things, that they just don't see the same way I do. I had to leave someone's house today, because of my differing perspective, and I don't even think they know it. Ok, I'm just gonna come out with it. I was watching "Half ton Dad" on TLC with some friends. Their comments were all negative. Comments about how disgusting HE is and how it grosses them out to see him. One of the people on the show said something about how he'd like to date someday and one of my friends said something like "uh, who'd want to date him?!" They kept saying things about how that much weight doesn't just sneek up on you. I have to admit that some of those comments hurt me. I got up and said something about how I had to work in the morning, hugged everyone left. I don't even think they realized that I was reallyleaving for other reasons. None of them have ever had any real struggle (as far as I know) with their weight. At one point they were basically just making fun of the guy. I feel terribly sorry for him. People always talk about not judging people based on the way they look, but how many people really practice that (even me.) Don't my friends realize that I am fat? I know they do, it's totally obvious. I'm not just fat, I'm obese. Do they not understand that the comments they make about the half ton man, also apply to me. To a normal sized person, an obese person is still disgusting. Put two & two together here, of course, it makes me feel like I am disgusting and offensive and gross to my friends. That's not what they said sure, but how can you say that about one person, and not belive it about another person too. I've been getting made fun of because of my weight for almost as long as I can remember, and hearing my friends make fun of or be dusgusted by someone because of their weight just really, really hurts. Do they think I'm just lazy, and that's why I'm fat. Do they think that people who are fat enjoy being fat? I don't know. There's so much going through my head right now, about this and about a lot of other things. It just makes me really really sad.


Kellar Stem said...

Lies, lies, lies. BAM, you know your friends don't think of you that way. I know it might be possible to allow lies to sneak in and think something like that, but there is also an overwhelming difference between the lovely Beth Ann Modlin, and a person who weighs 1000 lbs. and can't get out of his house.

You are awesome, and are about to embark on an awesome adventure to serve Jesus. Satan wants to beat you down, but he is not allowed to have reign in your life. YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD, THE DAUGHTER OF THE KING!! BAM, I have seen you grow in amazing ways since I first met you. From a shy freshman who had very little self-confidence, better, confidence in Christ, to an awesome woman of service to the kingdom. You are making huge leaps to confront your fears and insecurities to be who Jesus made you to be.

YOUR FRIENDS LOVE YOU!! Don't let Satan hang this over you!!

love, your campus minister

BAMboozle said...

"love, your campus minister" hahaha, you make me laugh on a regular basis

BAMboozle said...

I know my friends love me, but I have to admit, that I sometimes wonder if what people really think about me is the same as what they show me.