it's a long post, this is your warning :-)

Well my 2 weeks of vacation are just about over. We spent a week at the beach just like we did last year. The beach at Axim is amazing…my pictures last year were a lot better. At the beginning of the week I was still feeling kind of crummy from malaria but it only lasted a couple of days into the vacation. I cannot describe how beautiful the place is….you’ll just have to come & see it for yourself…but don’t come during “our” week….then there will be too many people on “our” beach. Haha. I joked that this year it was strange because last time if you saw a white person you knew they were with us…but this year there were LOTS of obrunis there. Everywhere you looked there was a white person. We always have a good time at the beach. I usually spend a lot of time sitting on the beach by myself at night. The beach is just so beautiful at night when no one is around and it’s all quiet….All you can hear is the wind and the waves. The stars are all out and there are millions of little twinkling lights in the sky. So, while other people are sitting in the room watching TV or playing video games, I sit on the beach.

All that sitting on the beach gave me lots of time to think. I think a lot, too much many of my friends say. I’m realizing lately that they might be right. I have a tendency to sit & think about my life so much that I end up worrying about things that I have no control over. I know better than to worry about life. I know that I can’t add a single second to my life by worrying and that in actuality, worrying will shorten your life. So why do I still do it? I don’t know. I have to say though, that I’m a lot better than I used to be. I think living in Ghana has done that for me. Seeing the faith that people around here has helped me to have more faith. I know that God has plans for my future, and I know that they are good plans; plans for prosperity and not for calamity (Jeremiah 29:11) so there’s no need for me to worry about anything.

I sometimes (ok, quite frequently) wonder what people who have known me for a long time would think if they could see me here without me knowing they were watching. A couple of my friends have told me that I have changed significantly since I came to Ghana the first time. I wonder what kinds of changes people have noticed. I think about my future a lot. When I look back over the last 5 years or 10 years even, I never would have thought that this is where I would be right now. But I still think and wonder where I’ll be 5 years from now. God has a way of surprising me. He’s so much more creative and surprising than I think I give Him credit for. Now I know how silly that statement sounds….I mean He’s THE creator….creativity is HIS invention but I think that I, and many others, have a tendency to sort of forget that God is not some gray old man sitting on a cloud just passively watching us go about our day to day existences. He has entrusted us with His most precious creation, The Church, so of course He cares about our lives.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is my own self-image and lack of confidence. For as long as I can remember I’ve hated getting compliments, especially about how I look or some talent I have. I have frequently debated with the person giving the compliment about how undeserving I am of said compliment. I’ve had a revelation here in Ghana. Who do I think I am to turn down a compliment from anyone? God created me to be the person that I am. I am “fearfully and wonderfully” made by the creator of the universe (and so are you by the way) so how can I say that I’m not good enough? As far as confidence goes, I need to remember that I don’t get my confidence from myself. I should be getting my confidence from God. Sure there are things I probably can’t do….but God can do anything and HE is in me! He can and will give me the ability to do anything that He wants me to be able to do. Anyway, that’s my big revelation for now. As usual, life is an adventure, but I’m starting to really enjoy the twists & turns. I know that God won’t let it get out of hand. I don’t know what the future holds and that’s finally ok with me. More than once here I’ve heard the phrase “let God surprise you.” I’ve never liked surprises….but life can be surprising sometimes so I’m getting used to it.
that's all for now....
BAM

insufficient

I wish I was better with words....don't get me wrong, I can communicate..I majored in Communication for crying out loud.  But my communication abilities are best utilized in a technical aspect. I can write newspaper articles, commercials, advertisements...just about any kind of technical writing or editing; I can do it.  But when it comes to creative stuff, not my forte.  "What difference does it make?", you might ask....well the fact is all the technical writing in the world is insufficient to tell about my life here in Ghana.  I read other people's blogs (more creative people) and I just WISH I could write like that.  People don't want to read a newspaper article, checklist of stuff about my life.  All the words I can think of are insufficient to describe the joy and sense of fulfillment I get from being here.  I just wish I could do justice to how I feel about Ghana with the words I write.   
I feel at home here.  I don't know how to explain it.  I've heard some preaching/teaching lately about how God had purposed us for something before we were ever even born...this is something I've heard before, but after being here it has a new meaning to me.  Was it God's plan all along for me to come to Ghana?  When I was a little girl getting scared by my brothers and playing outside with no shoes on and catching mice and moles and catterpillars to bring in the house, was HE planning to send me here way back then?  When I didn't get into the college I wanted, didn't get accepted into the music department, found out from Campus Christian Fellowship that I LOVED misions.....was HE planning then.....It's crazy to me to think that there's some larger purpose for my life than I know of right now....I guess I know that God has a purpose for everyone's life, but most of the time I feel insufficient to do something for God.  Me moving to Ghana and living here and working as a missionary is something I never would have imagined in my life but the fact is....this is where I am.  If God has planned (and set in to motion) all the events that got me here; what in the world is HE planning now?!  It's kind of fritening to me, to be honest.  I like to know what's going on, what's going to happen next.  Ask any of my family and friends....I don't like suprises.  I like to know when, where, why and how thing are going to go down.  Well the problem here is that God, well HE really REALLY likes to surprise people.  So God and I, we're kind of at odds sometimes.  He wants to surprise me, only I'm not sure I'm ready for whatever surprises he has in store for me.  Isn't that STUPID!  He wants to give us good gifts and he owns everything in existence so why wouldn't I want Him to surprise me....?  Short answer, I don't know.  Maybe it's about control.  Maybe it's about pride.  Whatever it is,  I need to get over it. 
All my life (as long as I can remember at least) I've had issues with my self-image.  I have always felt insufficient.  Insuffiently smart.  Insufficiently pretty.  Insufficiently talented.  Insuffcient in just about every way.  I'm smart enough to know that all these thoughts of insuffiency are straight from Satan.  If someone feels too insufficient to work effectively for God, then they won't do anything.  They'll be stagnant.  They'll fester.  Eventually, they'll die spiritually.  Since coming here I've been able to start seeing that I am not insufficient.  All the feelings of insufficiency are from years of believing the lies I heard from people.  Mean kids at school, mean kids at church (unfortunately) mean total strangers.  Sometimes even from family members.  Proverbs 23:7 says; "For as he thinks within himself, so he is."  So after years of hearing that I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough talented enough....I guess I've started to believe it.  The tide is turning though.  No one ever tells me that here.  Here when people hear me say something negative about myself, they reprimand me for it.  They KNOW that you will eventually act out what you belive about yourself.  So yeah, I am insufficient, but HIS grace is sufficient for me.  I'm unbeliveably thankful for God bringing me here.  I LOVE Ghana.  I can't imagine being anywhere else.  I have no idea whatsoever, what God plans on doing with me next, and that freaks me out a little.....but I know I'm ready for it. 

that's so Hot!

99.9 degrees Farenheit.  That's what the temperature was here yesterday.  And the thermometer is on the porch, in the shade...and the power keeps going off sporadically.  Right now for instance it has been off for about 5 minutes.  I'm not complaining mind you...I LOVE Ghana and I love being here.  Just an observation.  I'll probably be posting more regularly again.  I bought a wireless modem and it seems to work pretty well so maybe you can keep up with me a little better now. 
I have been going to Twi classes once a week for about a month now.  (Twi is the language in the area of Ghana where I live)  My teacher thinks I'm doing  a good job.  My friends still laugh every time I say certain phrases....but they claim it's because it's just fun to hear someone white saying somethign in Twi; and not because I'm saying it wrong.  I'm not sure if they're telling the whole truth or not ;-)  I'm trying to decide if I'm going to come back to the US or stay here this summer.  School here won't be out by the time my ticket is scheduled so I'd have to pay to move the date....and I really want to stay here this summer...we'll see what happens.  Maybe I'll post some more pictures sometime soon.  For now, I love you & miss you all...but dont' expect me back any time soon :-)  My friends say I'm Obruni (white) on the outside and Bibini(African) in the inside...I'm an honorary Ghanaian according to them. 
In Christ
BAM

Another new year

Well it's 2010.  It feels strange to be able to say "twenty" in the year but that's what it is I guess.  Things are going great here.  I & Laura (another volunteer) have been in charge of the house because the Hs are traveling in India for another week or so.  I have to say that I have so much more appreciation for what they have to deal with sometimes than I did before they left.  Sometimes the teenagers in the house can be a challenge. 
School is going well.  Almost all of my students are back.  One of them came back but she has not been here at all this week so I'm not sure what's going on there.  I have started taking Twi classes with two other people so hopefully by this time next year I will be able to speak Twi a lot better than I do now.  Now I know just enough to get myself laughed at. 
They internet has been pretty good lately, I'll post some pictures in the next couple of weeks I think.  We've been having a lot of lessons at assembly about goals and setting/reaching goals so I have this long list of goals for the new year.  I also have a list (almost finished) of day to day activities to help me achieve those goals.  Now before you start thinking that I am just really driven, it was homework for one of our Wednesday evening assemblies.  I did it though, which is more than some people can say. 
I've been really thinking about my future a lot lately.  I don't see myself wanting to leave Ghana anytime soon.  I need to figure out a long-term projection or plan for what I want to do...pray for me to have some discernment about that.  Thanks. 
I love you all and miss most of you ;-)
I'll do a better job of keeping up to date with how things are going here.  I'll also do better at putting pictures up on here or facebook.  I hope you're all doing awesome in the Lord, I know I am. 
Love you
BAM

Merry Christmas!!!

Hey Everybody.  It's been a long time since I posted it seems.  I'm doing great!  It's been an awesome Christmas and I'm looking forward to New Year's.  I hope you're all doing great in the Lord!  It's been really hot here lately, in the 90's so it's hard to convince myself that it's actually Christmas sometimes.  School is going great!  I have a new class with younger students, so it's a bit of a challenge, but it's good for me.  I'll try to put some pictures up sometime soon...the internet is getting better these days.  Until later. 
In Christ
BAM

hey everybody!

It's been a while, I know.  Sorry.  I actually got pretty decent wireless access in my room this week so I"m posting an update for once.  To those of you that are supposed to be getting my updates, a huge I'm sorry, but my Yahoo email is not acting right lately and I can't send anything so far.  I hope you're all doing great! Just to keep you updated, I got immersed two weeks ago.  I realized after a lot of thought and prayer that the first time I got "baptized" I was not old enough to understand what I was doing.  I'm sure that I understand now and I'm confident that I've made the right decision. 
So far in school I have 9 students.  One of my students has left the school, I'm not totally sure if it's her decision, or her parents, there's a lot of pressure in Ghana for students to go to government schools, so I'm just not sure. She's still been coming to assembly so hopefully she'll continue to grow in Christ, even in the public school system.  Our new Volunteer, Larua got here about a week ago.  She seems to be adjusting pretty well to life here.  I have been sick this week, probably malaria, even though I didn't get tested, Mr. H thinks that's probably what it was, and after taking the malaria meds I feel better.  So I guess I'm officially in the club now, haha.  well, my time is running out online so I guess I'll keep it short for now.  Please keep praying for the work here, I'm praying for you all. 
Love you all
BAM

memories

I've been thinking about memories a lot lately.  There are things I've seen and heard and done in my life that I'd rather not remember.  I'm sure everybody has things in their lives like that.  But, if you could erase those memories, would you?  I mean, don't you wish sometimes that you could forget some things...I listened to a podcast this week by Any Stanley called "Defining Moments."  So far it's a really good series, but it has made me think of a lot of things.  He talks about how everyone has some type of defining moment in their life.  I hate that some of the people I know now have these defining moments in their lives that are bad things.  I hate that some people's defining moment is tragic.  There are people I know that will forever refer to their life as before X event or after X event.  Here's another question for you....do you have good memories that you wish you could erase?   What?!! Why would you erase good memories?  Well, what if you have memories that are good memories, but because of something that happened, those good memories cause you pain?  How good do the memories have to be to outweigh the pain they cause? 
On a different note, does it make you feel bad/guilty/whatever when you know someone that has experienced a tragedy and you look at then differently because of it?  I guess in a way it's almost impossible to not look at people differently when they've experienced some great loss.  It's not exactly that you feel sorry for them......I can't explain what I mean really.  I wish so much that there was some way to help them forget some of those memories....even if just for a little while.  I am so sad when I see them and the happiness and joy they used to have seems gone.....it's like the light they had has gone out.  I know that slowly the light will come back, but it's hard to see your friends suffering and have no way to comfort them.  I don't expect them to be happy....I certainly wouldn't be, but what do you do to bring happiness to someone that has been just demolished by tragedy?  I wish I could share the light I have with them.....I would gladly do so if I could.  I don't know what to say, so I just say "I'm  praying for you" which is true, but probably feels sort of empty to them, especially since every person they see tells them that. 
On yet another note; this is my last weekend in the United States for at least the next school year!  I'm flying out on Tuesday to go to Ghana via Detroit then NYC.  It's crazy, I know!  I almost can't believe that this time next week I'll be back in Ghana again.  So if you don't hear from me for a while on here....that's why.  If you want to get my email newsletter/updates you can email me at bethann82@gmail.com