security

What makes you feel secure? Some very good friends of my left to go to Ethiopia for 10 days and they have entrusted me with the care of their two children. They are going to Ethiopia to meet and bring home a child they are adopting. I took them to the airport today and I've been thinking about this a lot.....they really really trust me. I mean, they basically trust me with the most important things in their lives. If I ponder on it too long I'll probably get really really nervous about this whole thing. But, they feel secure leaving their children with me.
But, we know that there is not true security on this earth. Life is, quite literally, here one minute and gone the next. People that you think will never let you down, will inevitably LET YOU DOWN. They're only human. The perfect job that you love will not always be the perfect job. There is no security in being a mere mortal. Our only security comes through Christ.
"For our citizenship is in Heaven from which we also eagerly wait for a Savior the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself." Philippians 3: 20-21
How's THAT for security?

Carpe Diem

I've done a lot of thinking since I've gotten back from Ghana in June. Lots of thinking about taking advantage of every single opportunity and using every second to make in impact on someone. Today has been a difficult day for me. I found out this morning that a couple that I'm very good friends with (I've known the wife since I was 6 yrs old) lost their 4 month old son this morning. These are two people that are awesome parents, amazing Christian friends. I still see them at least every Sunday. Their loss just reminds me of how short life is. Granted, the life of their beautiful boy was so much shorter than anyone would ever have imagined it would be. But all of our lives are short. We are not promised another day, another hour another minute another heartbeat. It is scary to me to think about all the time I waste doing trivial things when there are people that I love and care about that don't know the love of our Creator. Before I was born, my mom lost a baby. Katherine was stillborn. Technically she was dead when she was born, but my mom had a full term pregnancy and normal delivery. I keep thinking, 'I wonder if this is how mom's friends felt when Katherine died.'....Totally helpless, sad, confused. Trying to figure out how to even greet my friends the next time I see them. I thought about writing them a letter, but I have no idea what to say...there are not words to express how I feel and even if there were, it can't even come close to consoling them. We all know that life is short, make the most of it. I don't mean that in the "eat, drink & be merry" kind of way. I mean, since you know that this life is a "vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away" then do things with your time, money, talent etc that are NOT so short-lived. Use this life to make a difference in someone else's life. Tell your family and friends that you love them, SHOW them. There is only one way to give your life meaning.....give it up to the Lord. The things that the Lord will accomplish though someone that is totally devoted to Him, will long outlast these beat up, broken down things we call bodies. These bodies are tents, they are not our permanent residence. Remember that. I do not know how in the world this tragedy works into God's plan for my friends....but I know, somehow, it does. I know that this tragedy has really convicted me to really truly live for today. To use the opportunities I get and to try my hardest to make an impact on someone for the Lord. Please keep my friends in your prayers. Keep all of us in your prayers. We all need prayer, every single day not just when there's a tragedy. We need to pray for each other sincerely. I pray that you all seize the day, every day.

Carpe Diem

change

"Growth means change & change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown."

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." Anatole

" When the music changes, so does the dance." African proverb

Over the last week or so, I've been thinking a lot about change. Lots of things have got me thinking about it lately. Last weekend I went to a get-together with one of my friends. I only knew a few people there but I was trying to be social and cordial so I was talking with people etc. On drive home we were talking and I mentioned how people think I've changed since getting back from Ghana but I don't see how. She sort of looked at me with this 'are you kidding?' kind of expression. She told me that even though she's not known me that long (about a year) that she can see changes in me. She said I was so much more outgoing and that I carried myself with confidence. No one has ever told me I was confident before...I was shocked.
Then tonight I was watching Hotel Rwanda. It's an amazing movie, if you haven't seen it, rent it, or buy it for $5 at Wal-Mart. Anyway, as I was watching this movie, part of it just got to me. Now, I NEVER cry when I watch a movie. I hardly cry for any reason at all. But there was this one part where the U.N. was taking these nuns to safety but they were refusing to take the Rwandan orphans that the nuns had been caring for. The nuns were just absolutely crushed....All I could think about during that part was 'oh my gosh...what would I do if someone came to BCA & tried to take my kids from me'...I cried a little. I can't imagine what would happen if I was forced by the U.N. to leave knowing that the kids I teach and the people I'm close to there were in immediate danger.
I have a really hard time seeing change in myself. I'm not a good mirror. I'm more like one of those fun-house mirrors. So I can see myself, and I can tell that it is actually me, but the image is very distorted from what reality is.
I think one of the most unsettling things about my going back to Ghana is that I am inevitably changing because of the experience. Not that changing is bad, but it's something that is for the most part beyond my control. I could resist changing, but there's no growth without change. Honestly, I think I'm scared of change. I have gotten totally used to being "who I am." To change that, basically means that I'll have to figure out who I am again. Maybe I don't even know who I am to begin with. My whole life I've seen myself as one way and now I'm beginning to see myself differently. I can't decide what's more difficult; to think that I've been wrong my whole life or to think I'm really changing that much.
I guess I've rambled enough tonight. I guess changing isn't really that scary, but it's a strange feeling, especially when you're not sure you see the changes other people swear they see (in you).
"change is the only constant"

inspiration...

I have been somewhat inspired by a few blog posts by a couple of my friends....I think I will post something of substance this week....possibly tomorrow...or the next day

Cash Flow....

man, I mailed a check Friday to pay for my airline tickets....money that was donated to me by a total stranger. Today a minor problem that I had with my laptop became major. When I was in Ghana my laptop got knocked off of a table in my classroom...it was in the case, but still. After that I noticed a crack in the screen housing (the bezel). It had been opening & closing just fine, I was just extra careful to hold the bottom left side of the screen when I opened & closed it. But today, I went to close the lid and it wouldn't close....grrrrr. I think the hinge is even bent now or something like that. According to the Geed Squad guy at Best Buy it will cost between $200-250 to get it fixed & they would have to send it off to Dell. It's not under warranty anymore either so it would all have to be paid for by me, including shipping. I'm leaving in a month to go back to Ghana. Exactly a month....I should be flying out of NC on September 15th. Very exciting stuff......but I have a lot to get done before then. I need to get a list of people that have actually committed to monthly donations for me, so I'll know what to expect. I need to buy some more clothes & school supplies. I need to get my laptop fixed. I need to get someone to adopt my cat. I need to help with the packing & loading of the shipping container we're sending over. I need to get together with my family one last time before I leave the country for Lord knows how long. Etc etc etc.....I've been feeling incredibly un-productive lately....I guess the only remedy for that is to DO something productive...I'll get to work on that in the morning....g'night.

lifestyles of the "rich" and not so famous

Rich:–adjective
1. having wealth or great possessions; abundantly supplied with resources, means, or funds; wealthy: a rich man; a rich nation.

What makes you feel rich? One of my friends posed this question on her blog today and it has really gotten me thinking. I used to think I was poor. After having lived in Ghana for 7 months and planning on going back I have a different view. I have friends there that get by with very little financially. As an American it's hard to have an accurate perception of what it means to be "rich" or "poor." I am not poor by the standards of most of the world, just by American standards. So I've decided to change my idea of "rich"
19And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19THIS is where i get my perception of what it means to be rich. I have been memorizing Philippians since I was in Ghana and I really want to be able to say that I have "learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."I can't explain to people here why I feel so drawn to Ghana or why I love being there so much. There are people here (not my close friends) that I'm sure don't understand how I could live without some of the luxuries that I have here in the states. Air-conditioning, cable tv, high-speed internet, just to name a few. But really I barely missed them while I was over there. I miss my friends from Ghana a lot more than I missed any of the luxuries I had in the states. I will never use the word poor in the same way again. Next time you think you're poor, stop and think about what it would be like if you were REALLY poor.

lots do to

So, I've got lots of stuff to do in the next month or so. I don't think it's so much stuff that I'm going to be really stressed out. I have a presentation about Ghana this weekend. I'm a little nervous about it just because I really don't like having to speak publicly. I emailed the travel agent today about my airline tickets. That's exciting to me. I'm going to try to leave on or around September 15th. I bought a scrapbook today. I've never done scrapbooking, but I figured I could at least put the pictures I get printed on neat looking paper to make it a little more interesting than just a straight photo album.
I was going to post something interesting and thought provoking here tonight, but I just don't have anything that deep to say right now...haha. Sorry if you were ready for something really interesting....maybe next time.

warning....

I will post something this week, it may be long and slightly introspective (or not?).....this is your warning.

Oh yeah, and there may be more pictures