Envy

So, I am envious of people that can decide what to do with their life and then just DO it. Or perhaps they have this amazing gift from God and they are able to turn it into a career that they love and one that glorifies God all at the same time. I have never felt like I am exceedingly good at anything. Some have told me that I have a "gift" with music. Honestly I don't really think I do/did. I just feel like I was good at following directions, when the composer wrote a specific instruction in the music, I simply did what the instructions said. I played "with emotion" because the composer WROTE them into the music. I like photography, I've taken some pretty good pictures I suppose, or have been told. But I'm not a good enough photographer to make a career out of it. None of my photos were ever good enough to sell. I really like to cook. So far, cooking is really the only "career" I've had in life. Not that working in a kitchen making $10/hour is really what I'd call a career. but I honestly don't know if I am a good enough cook to make a career out if this either. Basically I have the "jane of all trades" problem. I'm decent at quite a few things, but I don't excel at any of them. So yes, Miss Amazing Musician, Mr Outstanding Artist, Miss Always Wanted to Teach or be a Nurse or whatever! I envy you. College would have been so much easier (and shorter) if I had been one of these people. Trust me, you don't want to get rejected from the music dept, change your major to Elem Ed only to figure out that you don't want to be a teacher after one semester, audition again and get rejected again in the music dept, and then finally decided to major in Comm only because you have NO IDEA what else to do and you like messing with audio video stuff. Don't get me wrong, I loved all the AV classes I took. I loved the creativity of storyboarding, and shooting and editing. taking raw footage and creating a finished piece from it. It's great. BUT, it's really hard to get a job in the industry without lots of experience and it's hard to get experience unless you can get a job. So here I am.....college graduate, working a relatively dead-end job ( which I enjoy, don't get me wrong), making plans to go back to Africa and I have absolutely no earthly idea what I'm supposed to do next. phew! life is totally nuts