speechless...

So, today I saw the baby for the first time.  I realize that at 7 1/2 months pregnant it's a little late to be seeing the baby for the FIRST time...but I don't live in America..haha.  Anyway....it was amazing to see the baby on that little screen during the ultrasound.  AND I found out that it's a girl!  That's the part where I'm speechless...I don't know why, but I feel like I just have no earthly idea what I'm going to do with a girl.....even though, I'M a girl.  So...there it is....She'll be here sometime early in December.  My original due date is Dec. 14th...during the ultrasound today I noticed the date they gave me is December 3rd...but I've heard from several moms here that the original date is usually more accurate here at least.  I keep thinking ..."wow.....a girl...."

Baggage...

I have always hated airlines’ baggage weight limits.  I weigh my bags at home but inevitably find out that my scales are, apparently, not accurate.  More than once I have found myself kneeling on the floor of the check-in shifting things from one bag to another trying to balance out the weight.  Once I even bought and entirely new suitcase at the airport because it was cheaper to pay for a single extra bag than to pay the fee for my two overweight bags.  Heavy baggage is something airlines don’t like...I can understand really, the workers that load baggage on and off of flights must move thousands upon thousands of bags every day.  The weight limit means that most of the bags they move are about the same weight.  Having relatively equal weights helps cut down on injuries to the employees.  I understand that an airplane has to have a specific weight limit in order to fly correctly.  I understand.  

In life, most everyone has baggage of some kind.  These days, my baggage is WAY overweight.  In the airport, when my bags are overweight sometimes I just have to take things out, forget about them and leave them behind.  I wish it was that easy with my life’s baggage.  There are things in my bags that are so heavy.  There are painful memories, disappointments, struggles and moments of doubt and fear that have been hanging around in my luggage for years.  I wish I could just open up my bags and say, “ok, I’m taking you out, leaving you here and forgetting you.”  Done. But it seems like every time I think I’ve dumped something out of my bags, it somehow jumps back in when I’m not looking.  

Reading a friend’s blog this week (Mama A strikes again) I’ve realized, again, that I don’t have to feel this way.  

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  take My yoke upon you and learn from    Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.  Matt. 11: 28-30

Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Jesus, is more than willing to take on my extra baggage.  And yours too, by the way.  He specifically asks us to let him have it.  No bag is too heavy or awkward for Him to handle.  And He doesn’t have a weight limit.  He can and will take ALL of our bags for us.  If I ask Him and trust Him, He’ll even get rid of all the bags that He knows I don’t need.  The bags that are just weighing me down.  

But here’s the smack in the face that Mama A’s blog frequently offers.  In order for Jesus to take my baggage for me, I have to STOP THINKING I DON’T NEED HELP.  I have to stop telling myself, “oh these bags aren’t that heavy.  I can handle it...”  Reality check, they ARE too heavy and I CANNOT handle it myself.  There is a reason professionals load baggage onto airplanes.  If the luggage doesn’t get loaded properly, bad things happen.  The bags shift around, things get broken, it can even crash the plane.  When I think I can handle my own baggage, bad things will happen.  Things will shift, get broken and I might even crash.    Once again, pride needs to take a backseat (actually, pride can just take a hike) and let humility take the lead.  I DO need His help.  So, I’m checking my bags.  This time I’m gonna leave the heavy lifting to Jesus.  He can handle it and He enjoys helping His little sister out.  

BamS

Not MY kid...

This post is somewhat inspired by the truly amazing “Mama A,” you can find her blog HERE always do what she says :-)

Thoughts on parenting by an unexperienced Mommy to be.....

Ya know, now that I’m going to actually BE a mom, I have a tendency to look at kids (and there parents too) a little differently.  

Now I know what you’re thinking, “who are you to judge parenting.  What do YOU know about raising a kid?!”  Ok, ok, hold up, wait a minute.  I’m not judging you or anyone else’s parenting.  I’ve just been making some observations about how I think we should raise our child (and future children).  No judging going on here.  Happy? 

I’m actually hoping this post will bring some helpful advice from people who DO know a thing or two about being parents.  Anyway, some observations, complaints, questions about parenting techniques and fumbles I’ve noticed. 

I will not let my kid be THAT kid that no one wants to babysit because Jr. behaves wonderfully for me but somehow has not learned that he needs to behave when someone other than mommy is caring for him...no no no.

I will make sure my child learns how to listen when ANY adult is talking to him/her.  It’s so annoying to hear a parent speaking to their 5 year old and the kid responds with “huh?”  Not gonna work in our house.

If my child is mis-behaving I will not hesitate to to give them a spanking.  Now, I know a lot of people (especially 20-30 something Americans) don’t like spanking. But let me ask you this...Didn’t you get spankings when you were a kid?  No one that I know of personally, has suffered severe trauma from a spanking they got when they were a kid.  ‘Nuff said about that.  

If my child mis-behaves while at home with me, I will not say “You just wait until your father gets home.”  I will discipline then AND tell Eric when he gets home and let him discipline them again if he thinks it’s needed.  Kids need to know that Mommy’s got the moxie to discipline them and they need to know that Daddy won’t accept them disobeying Mommy just because they think she’s “soft.”  

Ok, this is kind of a big one to me....mostly because it really annoys and distracts me personally.  At church, my child will NOT be that kid that makes noise and doesn’t understand that this is NOT playtime.  If my child gets too noisy or playful during a church meeting, we will not just sit in the assembly and let them keep distracting others from the preaching/singing/teaching.  We will go outside and get a little bit of discipline or we will go to the nursery where they child CAN play and make a little more noise without distracting others.  Kids need to learn that Church assemblies are special and important.  

Now, I’m a southerner, though you might not notice it that much if you meet me now days.  I swear it’s in here y’all.  So, in honor of my heritage, my child will learn that “yes ma’am, no ma’am” and “yes sir, no sir” are good ways to respond to adults.  They will also learn “please, thank you” and all those other polite words that so many children’s vocabularies seem deprived of these days.  

Finally, an observation for those of you that are already parents.  Every parent (as far as I can tell) wants people to like their kid.  Guess what, if your kid is an indisciplined brat, PEOPLE WON’T LIKE THEM! And no, it won’t matter how cute they are.  Person A (no relation to Mama A) will say “Oh, Jr. so-and-so is such a cute kid.” and person B will say “yeah, but he is a real brat.”  to which person A will respond, “Ugh, I KNOW!” They won’t like your kid and they won’t respect you as a parent.  

One thing I’ve learned from observing different parents (some I think are great and some not so much) is that when it comes to discipline and children, we need to be consistent.  And our children will need us to be consistent too.  It’s almost painful to me when I see a child being disciplined by a parent when other people are around but I KNOW that they don’t get disciplined, for whatever it is, when they’re at home.  You can see the confusion on the child’s face.  If something isn’t acceptable for a child to do/say in public, they shouldn’t be allowed to do it at home either.  And if some particular behavior is unacceptable, then the child needs to be disciplined for it EVERY time they do it.  They will need to learn that they can’t fool Mommy and Daddy.  They can’t get away with it sometimes.  It’s really not fair to the child to be inconsistent.  

I do want people to like my child, but not because of how cute he/she is (because he/she will definitely be adorable.) I want them to notice how well my child behaves.  I’d rather have someone say “Wow! Jr Sarpong is such a good boy” than hear them say, “ya’know that Sarpong kid is really cute.”  Being cute won’t get my kids into heaven....but if they learn to listen and follow directions and do what is right, eventually they will be able to follow God’s direction and Listen to God’s word with understanding.  And frankly, I’d rather have them win the Crown of Life than win a thousand cute kid contests.  

scars...

I have plenty of them.  They are interesting things to me.  Constant reminders of some distant pain.  Working in a kitchen for 3 years gave me plenty of scars from being burned.  Then there's the one on the end of my thumb where I slipped chopping onions and took the very very tip of my finger off.  There's this odd scar on my leg that I've had as long as I can remember and I have no idea how I got it.  And the one on my arm from playing with the dog when I was a kid and her paw came down and swatted my arm, hard apparently.  Faint and faded, but they all carry some story with them of some injury in my life.  

Lots of people have scars and they all tell you something.  Here in Ghana it's very common for people to have scars, especially on their face, that are sort of tribal markings.  Some of those scars were also thought to protect particularly beautiful children from juju.   I noticed a scar on someone's shoulder and I asked him how he got it.  He said when he was a kid he didn't do something that his aunty told him to do and she took the knife she was using to turn something that was roasting on the fire and she sort of pressed it against his shoulder, burning him.  Both of my friends named Esther have scars on their faces, one from tribal markings, the other  from some medical procedure she had as a child.  

Another thing I find interesting about scars is how different people look at them.  When I first came to Ghana, seeing scars on so many people's faces was really shocking to me.  I had a hard time not staring at the scars, wondering how they got them, how old they were when they got them etc.  But now I hardly notice them.  I've gotten used to seeing them.  My friends that have scars, I'm not even sure if I could tell you who has scars and who doesn't because I've stopped seeing them.  In America,most people, ladies especially, are so afraid of getting scars on their faces because we (Americans) think it makes a person less beautiful.  But Esther and Esther are both beautiful ladies.  Many beautiful ladies and handsome men in Ghana have scars on their faces, it doesn't make them any less beautiful.  

I've realized in the last few years that God has given us this physical world in order to demonstrate spiritual things to us in a way that is easier for us to understand.  I have a lot more invisible scars than visible ones.  I have so many emotional scars....Years of being picked on and made fun of at school really cut me up, so to speak.  Years of having a father that wasn't as kind and gentle and loving as a father is supposed to be....more scars.  Some of my scars were even self-inflicted, because I started believing the lies people told me about myself when they made fun of me...so I joined in with their attacks telling myself how worthless, ugly and stupid I was.  Self-inflicted wounds.  The invisible scars take a lot longer to heal than the visible ones.  There's no bandage or ointment to help them heal faster.  But eventually they start to heal and fade away too.  

Thinking about this, and this being resurrection weekend made me wonder; What did/do Jesus' scars look like.  What do the scars in His hands and feet and side and on His back really look like? Or what about the scars He has from working with His father Joseph, doing carpentry?  If I asked Jesus how He got one of His scars what would He tell me?  Would he show me the ones in His hands and say "well, you gave me these..." Constant reminders....but HIS scars are not constant reminders of pain like mine;  HIS are reminders of HIS love....for me and you and all of mankind.  

it's about time...

Well, I haven't posted here in a long time.  Sorry.  I have had lots of ideas in my mind for a new post over the last month or so....but I never got around to posting anything.  A lot of things have happened since that last post.  I had to make a totally unexpected trip to the States.  I had some problems with my visa and making a quick trip to the States was the best way to fix it......for now.  I got engaged! Yeah that one is BIG new...haha.  If you've known me since before I went to Ghana then this little piece of news might really shock you. But it's true :-D After I decided that I was coming to the States for a visit my mom's brother unexpectedly died.  Praise God that I was able to be here (physically here) for my mom during the funeral and such a difficult time for her.  The trip here was looooong.  I got on a bus in Kumasi around 12:45 on Thursday.  We got to Accra around 6:45 or so.  My flight was at 10:15 so we figured we had plenty of time.  WRONG!  The traffic in Accra is amazingly horrible!  It is recommended that you get to the airport 2-3 hours before an international flight.  In the U.S. I am comfortable with getting there 2 hours before....but in Ghana....I know there can be unexpected delays at the airport so really wanted to get there 3 hours before.  That means that I needed to get to the airport by 7:15.  Well....I wasn't even at the airport at 8.  The taxi driver had to stop and totally turn around 3 or 4 times because the way he was going was at a total standstill because of the traffic.  Praise God I got to the airport and thru immigration in time for my flight.  As I was going through the last section of immigration they were calling for passengers on my flight to please make their way to the gate.  So......11 hours later I land in DC.  Go through immigration again and get on a short flight to NC.  When I landed at RDU I was greeted by my mom, step-dad, dad, brother and sister-in-law.  When we stepped outside my first words were "oh my gosh it's SOOOOO cold!"  We went to mom's so I could get a shower then we went to my uncle's funeral.  It was so hard seeing my mom and grandma and aunts and cousin hurting so much.  It was hard listening to my brother do the ceremony knowing that it was the first funeral he's ever done and that he and our uncle were kind of close when he was younger.  It was a cold, rainy, miserable day.  So with that I was welcomed back to the U.S for the first time in about a year and a half.  I'll post more about the engagement later.  This was just a quick, kind of "catching up" post for now.

This is how it is....

I’ve had to carefully consider my words in this post.  I don’t want to offend anyone (especially my family) and I don’t want to come off as whiny, complaining or ungrateful.  So this is my “this is how it is” post....here goes;

This is how it is to be a missionary.  You leave your family.  Your home.  You move somewhere far away and are surrounded by unfamiliar things.  You (probably) can’t communicate too well with the locals because they speak a different language.  You are constantly in uncharted territory.  Everything is new and exciting and maybe even a little bit intimidating.  At first, you probably call or email a lot.  Maybe even every week.  Slowly you begin to mentally “unpack.”  As you get acclimated to your new surroundings you start to form a new family and a new home.  Your circle grows as you make more friends and learn your way around.  The frequent communications from you probably start to decrease.  This is how it is (for me at least.)

I never was good at keeping in touch with people.  When I was in college my mom called me at least once a week.  My brothers would occasionally call me just to talk about nothing important and see how I’m doing.  I knew that my mom would call.....every week almost without fail.  That was how it was.  

When I decided to go to Ghana, after much thought and prayer, I was worried that my mom wouldn’t be able to take it very well.  I decided to go anyway....she would have to just accept it.  The first year I was in Ghana my mom actually ended up meeting someone and they got married when I visited “home” the first summer.  This was a blessing for me because now I didn’t worry about mom being alone.  It’s been a while...but I think she only called me once or twice that first 9 months.  She didn’t have a way to call internationally....3 years later she still doesn’t have a way to call me.  I guess calling me isn’t really high on the priority list.  

I have been in Ghana nearly 4 years now.  I LOVE being in Ghana.  I love my friends.  I love my students.  I feel like the work we’re doing here at the school is of utmost importance.  I’m confident that God placed me here.  But, sadly, I have to say that I have been disappointed in the efforts made to keep in touch by some of those closest to me.  I already admitted that I wasn’t the best at keeping in touch even in the U.S. where communication is ridiculously easy.  Here, communication is just more difficult.  My internet connection is unreliable.  Posted mail takes weeks to get to and from anywhere.  My phone is decent now, but it’s only recently that I’ve gotten a phone that is somewhat reliable.  But still I feel as if all the responsibility to keep in touch has been put on my shoulders.  I try to just say “hey” and find out how people are doing on Facebook.  I try to call, especially on holidays and birthdays.  I think I’ve called all my family on all their birthdays, or within a day or two, since I’ve been here.  I try to just send messages on Facebook or email just to encourage them sometimes.  But, why is it all my responsibility?  I think I could probably count the number of phone calls I’ve gotten from family since I’ve been here.  They are all there, in familiar, comfortable territory.  They have each other.  Can’t any of them make it their goal to keep in touch with me and encourage me?  Everyone says how proud they are of me for coming here. They miss me but they know that the work here is important and not everyone would be willing to leave the comforts of the U.S. to live in Africa.  I don’t know....I guess it makes me a little bit sad.  People can post all kinds of mindless, pointless things on Facebook or other websites, but they can’t find the time to just send an encouraging note?  I feel forgotten.  Then, when I say something like this people all start telling me how much they love me and they’ve not forgotten me etc.  It’s kind of like when a kid gets in trouble and they’re told to apologize.  Yeah, they apologize....but the weren’t going to.  It’s like no one encourages me until I make the effort to say that I need encouragement.  

If you’re praying for someone that’s far away;  If you’re thinking of them....tell them.  I know from personal experience that it will be encouraging to them.  If you are in their family and they ask you for something small like pictures...can’t you get some prints made and mail them?  Can’t you send them a letter or a Christmas card?  Ok, I know packages are really expensive to send to Africa.....but honestly, if they were in the States they would be getting Christmas and birthday presents....can’t you use that money to send something small....just to encourage them?  This is how it is.

So, I feel invisible sometimes.  And yes, it hurts a little sometimes.  I used to be really tough....since I’ve been here I’ve softened up a little because I’ve grown and realized that God did not design me to be so tough that nothing affects me.  I need encouragement.  It would be nice if I felt like I could depend on my family for it.  But I don’t know if I can......I feel like they’re all too busy with their own lives to ask me about mine.  I’m sure they think about me....but it seems like it’s just a passing thought.  Not enough of a thought to get in touch with me.  

This is how it is......whether it should be or not.

Tiiiiiiiiime is on my side.....NOT

It has been said that ‘Time and tide wait for no man.”  Time is something that everyone has an equal amount of.  No matter how rich or poor you are.  No matter where you live or what nationality or race you are.  Every single person on the planet has the exact same number of hours in their day.  We’re all bound by time.  This week I heard some preaching that made me think.  It’s not something I’ve never thought of before.....I was just reminded and thought of it again.  God does not exist within the realm of time.  There is no “time” for God.  HE doesn’t have a past or a future.  HE just IS.  As a human, bound by time and it’s movement....this concept just makes my head spin.  I cannot wrap my mind around it.  I don’t know if humans even have the capacity to understand what it’s like to exist outside of time.  Not only does God exist outside of time....he also exists outside of the confines of physical space.  It’s such a mind-blowing thing to think about.  God, in His infinite existence, is everywhere, all the time.  People wonder where God came from....and the only answer is HE didn’t come from anywhere.  HE just IS.  

The only way I can even begin to comprehend this concept is to relate it to something I’m more familiar with.  My degree is in Audio/Video Production.  In this field we have two kinds of editing; linear and non-linear.  Basically, linear editing is when you have your master footage and you physically copy using a deck (like a VCR) from it to your edited product.  So you have two monitors and two VCRs.  As you watch your master footage play you physically copy it from that tape to the edited copy.  Once you’ve made a cut you can’t change it back. You have to put them in the right order the first time or start over.  The cuts must be in a line, hence the name “linear editing.”  In linear editing, timing is everything.  You have to pay very close attention to your time-code and you have to get your cuts right down to the individual frames.  The other form, non-linear editing, is much simpler.  In non-linear editing, it doesn’t matter what order you shot your film, it doesn’t matter what order you put your clips onto your computer.  You can take them and shuffle them around and put them in whatever order you want.  If you want to take a clip that you just filmed today and put it in front of a clip that you shot 3 weeks ago, you can do that.  In non-linear editing you put all your footage onto a computer and use an editing program to arrange your clips and add transitions and so on.  If you arrange things one way and decide to change them, you can.  It’s basically like copy and paste.  

So, this is kind of how I look at God’s existence and my existence.  I know it’s so simple and watered down that it doesn’t even begin to fully explain His existence outside of time....but it’s the only way I can understand it.  I live in a linear world.  I have to live today and then tomorrow.  Once today is over, I can’t go back and revisit it, likewise I cannot jump ahead to a future day and live it then come back to the present day.  God on the other hand, can be in any day in the history of time whenever He wants to.  He can see ahead to the future of time and He can see behind to it’s past simultaneously.  

It’s amazing to me.  It’s confusing to me.  So what does it mean to me?  It means that time is a precious resource.  It means, that I better make sure I use the time God gives me wisely.  The things I should do today, have to be done today.  The hours and minutes that tick by will never come back.  Some day my time, just like everyone else’s, will run out.  When that day comes, I will be held accountable for all the hours and minutes I used here on this earth.  I need to remember what it says in Ephesians; “Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil.”  Christians need to be aware of the time they use each day.  We need to make sure that we’re not wasting the time that God has given us.  When I stand before Him at the end of time, I don’t want to regret the time I had on this earth.  So, make the most of your time.  When you can do something productive for the Kingdom, do it.  Don’t waste time.  It’s not ours to waste anyway, God gave it to us to use wisely.  So let’s be wise.